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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “detached from reality”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually coming after a “crash”, during which he feels overwhelmed and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him especially susceptible to negative feedback from others. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors on the internet – and was later evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have taken the label unless he had previously arrived at that understanding personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – especially if they feel feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Though people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what the term implies the label. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, noting the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception linked to the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through things like pursuing power,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in The Disorder

While a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are men, findings indicates this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, just kind of like everything in society,” explains an individual who posts about her co-occurring conditions on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and not being accepted,” she explains, “because if I hear that I am at fault, I tend to switch to defence mode or I completely shut down.” Despite having this response – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself continuously the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I never had that growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Origins of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to difficulties as a child. Genetics play a role,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those identical strategies as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The adult says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “acceptable.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He didn’t think forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with feelings. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his doctor, John was referred to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for psychological counseling through national services (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for an extended period: “They said it is probably going to be in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have come to terms with NPD and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the presence of NPD content creators and the development of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number